Guess what I told my manager today at our one-on-one? I’m moving to Austin before the end of the year, goal is mid-September, definitely before ACL Fest. So, that’s officially out there. And no, it’s not a stupid thing to let her know now. For all my complaints or whatever, she really had my back last week when all this unnecessary shit happened because of a useless, damn insecure person. Worst thing about that is the stress it caused me and the incredible waste of time, work-wise and otherwise.
My house has never been dirtier. It is disgusting. It’s hard to keep clean because it is such an old place that I think it just has years of grime I’ll never get rid of. And the hard water. WTF? I’ve seen commercials for years talking about hard water stains and was like whatever, I don’t know what that is. But now I do, all too well. The water here is gross and actually can stain the tub and the sink and the toilet to the point that I hate my bathroom every time I go into it. I’ve cleaned and bleached the hell out of that motherfucker and it still sucks. But before the end of the year I will have a nice modern bathroom. I love the look of older places their character and design elements, but goddamn, I need to go modern for a while.
ACL tix on sale this week. Is it today? Tomorrow? I dunno. Money issues were OK for a while and now they’ve crept up and are issues again. Ugh. but I haven’t been to ACL in 5 years so it’s time to go and experience it again – even if it’s dusty and 108 degrees (or, yikes, muddy like last year with constant rain). You don’t move to the live music capital of the world and not go see live music.
My stress level continues to be insane. I can’t breathe properly. Everything has been go-go-go and I hate that so much of it has been work-related because I don’t get paid enough to deal with this. I’ve gone above and beyond because I can’t just turn in shit work and be OK with it personally. Still…goddamn I’m tired.
I want everything settled by my birthday – which should be my Austin restoration and rejuvenation trip. This Friday I am actually speaking at a conference, a real one, and I have nothing prepared – that’s what Thursday’s for. That’s how little time I seem to have these days.
Everything feels so cluttered. How is there suddenly no time for anything when I don’t even do much? I don’t go out, I don’t date, I don’t have kids, i spend every weekend at home… So it should be easier. But it’s not. And now I live in clutter, and that pisses me off and affects my mood. I guess bottom line is that I am overwhelmed. And I do not do well with Overwhelmed. I have to work extra hard in my head to keep it together when I am overwhelmed. This morning I thought, man, I should take 2 anti-anxiety pills a day and not one, but then I have a feeling I would fall asleep at my desk. However, it’s still an experiment I might try tomorrow.
Today I want to get as much work done as possible. I left early on Friday with a major headache so I was gonna do some work writing over the weekend and then I was like fuck no, I can’t. And Sunday morning I bolted out of bed at 7:30 am thinking, oh shit, I have to get to work. And then I realized no I don’t, but I was up by that time, so I stayed up until my eyes kept closing and I had to take a nap. I haven’t HAD TO take a nap in a long time. It makes me feel old and it’s wasted hours but I was so tired. So very, very tired. Hmm…I wonder if I’m anemic again.
I’m even getting tired writing this. It’s just for me, for my thoughts, not formatted for an audience or anything, so my head has had enough. I need things to settle down. And dear universe, please don’t interpret that with some sense of humor that ends up fucking me over, please and thank you.
I’m gonna have to make the day a bit worse with copious amounts of caffeine. I’m gonna feed the hell out of that addiction today. Because this morning, there really is no way around that.
Off to finish my coffee before I go get a diet coke before we make afternoon coffee…
Help.
