shit. did not get job. 2008, February 29

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

am sick.
physically ill. shaking. freaking out. terrified. really wanted this. really thought i would get it.
apparently i fucked up.

i am screwed. so, so, so, so screwed. no job = no money = no life.
have absolutely nothing lined up. there are no other leads.

crushing like heavy weight.  fuck. i was even in a good mood today. getting stuff done around the house. that’ll teach me to be optimistic about anything. old me talking? whatever. neither one of us got the job.

gonna cry now. in hibernation at the moment…

my dog 2008, February 29

sitting here… 2008, February 28

waiting on some things. eating very poorly (extremely bad). freezing my ass off today but am happy about that (my apt be cold! any weather extreme will be felt here. plus i’m too lazy to close all the windows, of which there are many.)

thinking about how to decorate and liking that. but then i just sit on the couch and wrap a blanket around me and get sleepier and sleepier. i look around and everything is still all over the place. and i know part of me likes to keep it that way, that whole moving ‘well if i finish, then what? there will be nothing but sitting here realizing i am alone!”… yep. that’s how it goes with me. always have something on that to-do list or my world will atrophy and i will lose it. hey, it makes very logical sense to me. and once again, i am aware!

so i have been on the net. some movies. some ebay. perez as always. and reading updates about the Twilight movie.

and, of course, having weirder dreams every day.

Academy Award winner Glen Hansard… 2008, February 25

YES! YES! YES!

I tried not to scream and holler but couldn’t be helped. So thrilled for Glen and Mar. Unbelievable! They are amazing, the movie is beautiful, and here’s some well-deserved recognition. They also looked gorgeous at the event and gave the best speeches of the night!

YAY GLEN and MAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking Funny 2008, February 25

The Sarah Silverman vid for Jimmy Kimmel about fucking Matt Damon was hilarious. Last night Jimmy totally one-upped her with his fucking Ben Affleck video. Jimmy’s was star-studded with Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Robin Willians, Cameron Diaz, Harrison Ford… laugh out loud good. Check abc.com or the shitty, disgusting youtube assholic site. You gotta see these 2 vids (first Sarah’s then Jimmy’s).